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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24663130">When I saw him first</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoenaAdams/pseuds/LoenaAdams'>LoenaAdams</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>WTFock | Skam (Belgium)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, sander pov</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:48:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,015</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24663130</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoenaAdams/pseuds/LoenaAdams</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sander's thoughts during Saturday 23:11</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>When I saw him first</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Wrote this a half year ago, hope you enjoy it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It wasn't the first time Sander saw him, although it was. He had seen the boy around the skatepark before. The boy had caught his eye, but it was different now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was standing in the moonlight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A bit insecure and awkward as if he didn't belong there, as if he was second-guessing himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A girl was guiding him, taking his hand, leading him up the stairs, kissing him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He recognized the girl her name was Noor Bauwens. She used to go to school with him and was friends with Britt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For some reason, he wasn't bothered by the fact the boy and Noor were kissing each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe it was because his face became visible behind the mask. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was hard to see in the dark, yet it was the easiest thing ever. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The moonlight gave the boy an angelic glow. The artist could feel his heartbeat stop for a second. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sander couldn't explain what he was feeling. He felt overwhelmed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boy was beautiful in a unique way, almost artistic. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt the urge to draw the boy, to paint him, to sketch him, to photograph him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boy was inspiring in so many ways. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The artist couldn't explain the feeling. Sometimes you just know things or feel things you can't describe, but it feels right.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Like when you drink your first cup of coffee and, you can tell if it is going to be a good day or not. Or when you get this strange feeling in your chest when you find something new or exciting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes you have to trust your gut on something. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sander knew that this was a situation like that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He just knows that the unknown boy is the one, the one who could love him and understand him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The one with who he didn't have to pretend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That boy was going to be his happiness, his light in the darkness, something he could hold on to when he needed it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sander liked Britt. She gave him the affection that he needed. She would shower him with physical love and affection. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was only one problem. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She always needed something in return. She expected him to agree with her, listen to her, be her property. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sander knew that was fair in some way, but sometimes he felt like he was suffocating. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This wasn't what he wanted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Britt didn't inspire him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She would often beg him to draw her, but he never could. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The artist was the first one to say that she was very attractive, but he couldn't do anything with it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He never felt the need to photograph her, to paint her, to draw her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was nothing that inspired him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had tried, especially in the beginning, but his head became empty when he looked at her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was nothing that stood out to him and to be honest he saw and thought about her enough. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was always there someway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Through text, calls, unexpected visits, Snapchat, notes in his jacket. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She would never leave him alone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were sweet gestures and, Sander was aware of that but he couldn't help feeling annoyed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Britt did those things for a reason and it wasn't just out of love. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, she wanted to make sure that she was always on Sander's mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had learned that it were the consequences of a past relationship. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But that didn't help. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sander liked being in a relationship, but he also enjoyed freedom. Why would she have to know where he was every single minute? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Britt was chaining him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It got worse when she found out he was Bipolar. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sander had told her pretty soon. He had been diagnosed over a year ago and he was still figuring things out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He thought it would be good to tell her, maybe she could help him in some way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wouldn't have to lie. He could take his medications in front of her, tell her about therapy and shit like that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But it was nothing like that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It only became more difficult. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She started to see him as his disorder. She thought she understood the illness, she thought she was doing a good job at taking care of him and sometimes she was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Britt could be gentle and ask things to try and understand him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The problem was that she didn't listen to the answers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were dating for three months when he got an episode. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had always liked David Bowie but it became the next level during his episode. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bowie gave him a way out. His music was so comforting to Sander. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Britt thought that it was weird. Since then she always associated David Bowie with mania. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Sander stopped talking about the music of the artist. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It hurt his feelings more than he wanted to admit. She made him feel like he was crazy like no one would ever understand him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She probably didn't do it on purpose but it still stung deep inside him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It made Sander realise that the girl wasn't the one for him, but he couldn't leave her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Britt would say she loved him. She would even mean it but she didn't see the true him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn't himself around her, not even close. He was acting like the boyfriend she wanted. If he was himself she would give him a strange look, tell him off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn't love who Sander really was which scared the older boy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because Britt tried so hard every time. No one else was going to be willing to put so much effort into a relationship. It was the best he was ever going to get. The best he deserved. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If she couldn't love him, who could? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sander had lost hope. He was slowly forgetting who he was and where he stood for. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Britt was deciding his personality for him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It wasn't until now, not until he saw the brown-curled boy that he felt something in his chest. Something he hadn't felt in such a long time, hope. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He just knew that this moment was going to change his life forever.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My graduation trip got officially cancelled. It was kind of obvious that this would happen but yeah still a bit sad about it (I know that there are so much worse things happening right now and I shouldn't moan about it.) </p><p>But this means I have a break from work and nothing planned to do so I am probably going to write a lot. If you have any suggestions or prompts please let me know.<br/>I am working now at a conversation between Robbe and his dad. I thinking about writing a Zoë and Sander conversation but that is just an idea.<br/>Also, I want to write a celebrity au where Sander and Robbe have to hide their relationship from the world because of their management. </p><p>I hope everyone is doing well!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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